


Blue Impala

by somanluna



Category: Supernatural
Genre: After the Darkness, Canon Compliant through Season 10, Castiel in the Bunker, Dean Being Dean, Fallen Castiel, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Human Castiel, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Sam Ships It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-04-05 10:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4175658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somanluna/pseuds/somanluna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Darkness, Sam lives in Lebanon with his girlfriend, wanting to stay close to his brother and Cas.  Cas is human and living with Dean in the bunker. Dean, convinced Cas will leave because he always does, decides to fix up a '65 Impala he finds after a hunt. Maybe he should ask Cas what he wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by a beautiful deep blue 1965 2 door Impala I see frequently while going to the grocery store. Whenever I see it (and stop drooling … it’s  
> REALLY pretty) I always think this is the car Dean would fix up for Castiel and finally decided how I would want that to happen!
> 
> Update: I'm rereading this to work on a timestamp and there are some things that I just can't live with how they were worded so the story itself isn't changing at all (in terms of arc) but just a few bits and pieces that I'm not satisfied with a year later).

“Dean?” 

 Sam’s voice cuts through the strains of Led Zeppelin’s Rock n’ Roll, jolting Dean out of his music and car repair groove. There’s a metallic clang as the wrench Dean was using to tighten the bolt on the oil pan slips through his fingers, hitting on the cheekbone on the way down. 

 “Dammit!” Dean curses as he lies flat on the mechanic’s creeper. He mutters a few choice words before pushing himself out from under the jacked-up car to glare at his much taller brother.

 “I thought it was just Cas that needed a bell! Don’t sneak up while I’m under a car!” Dean grumbles, rubbing grease along his cheek. “What are you doing here anyway?”

 Sam looks at Dean wide-eyed for a second. “Hello to you too, Dean,” he says before settling his eyes onto the primer grey Impala Dean rolled out from under.

 Dean grimaces while Sam continues, “I came to help Cas with some research on those sigils you guys found last week, and thought I’d say hi, you know, since I’m here.” 

 Dean rolls his eyes and accepts Sam’s proffered hand. Once he is up on his feet, Sam hands him a beer. “Yeah, OK. Thanks for the brew.” They clink their bottles and simultaneously take a sip.

 Sam turns to the car and motions toward it with the beer in his hand. “What’s all this? Did the Impala die?”

 “You shut your mouth!” Dean barks, then says more quietly, “It’s for Cas.” Sam quirks up one eyebrow in question and Dean continues. “Well, the Pimpmobile is kaput and I’m sure he’ll need his own wheels. 

 “Why? You let him take the Impala into town all the time?” Sam asks, confusion in his voice. “I thought you must’ve been sick the first time he showed up in my driveway with it.”

 Dean looks at the ground. “I know. But when he left the last time he was human all I gave him was a few hundred dollars, a phone and a few extra clothes. This time I want to make sure he’s set”

 “I don’t understand, why is he leaving?” Sam asks. “Did you going to ask him to leave again?”

 “No, of course not!” Dean snaps, “I didn’t want to make him leave then!”

 “Then, why would you think that?”

 “I just think he’ll find something better to do, that’s all”. Dean sets the beer down on the trunk of the Impala, picks up the shop rag next to it and starts absently trying to wipe some grease off his hands.

 “Dean …” 

“Sam, he always leaves. There’s always something.” He turns his back to Sam before looking over his shoulder. “Everyone leaves, it’s just the way it is.”

 Sam puts his hand on his brother’s shoulder, turns him around and looks squarely into his eyes. “I only live ten minutes away. And have you ever bothered to ask Cas what his plans are? Because it doesn’t seem to me he’s planning on going anywhere.”

 “Yeah well …” Dean trails off, decides to veer this conversation away from this chick flick moment and how much the thought of Cas leaving never to be seen again scares him. With a huff he turns his attention back to something he can deal with - the actual car.

 “I saw it last week on the way back from that vamp hunt, a nineteen sixty-five Impala. Perfect body, but flat tires. Just needs some TLC and a paint job and she’ll be good to go.” He runs his hand on the fender.

 “Well, you’ve brought your baby back from worse than this more than once, so it’ll be amazing.” Sam smiles fondly at the car, and then looks at his watch. “Well, I should get going, I’m sure Emma is almost done with dinner.” 

 Dean nods at him and sinks back down on the creeper. “Yep, you should get home, don’t want her to worry,” he teases.

 Sam rolls his eyes. “You guys coming over on Saturday? BBQ?”

 “Yeah, we’ll be there. I’ve got the burgers, you’d ruin ‘em ya heathen,” Dean grouses. He takes a breath and continues, “Sammy, don’t tell him about the car, okay? He’d just tell me he doesn’t need it, you know how he gets.”

 Sam smirks at him. “Sure, will do. But you really should just talk to him.” He’s met with a glare from his older brother, and he holds up his hands before turning to walk away. “Or not, your call.”

 Dean slides under the car, retrieves the wrench, and sighs. He knows damn well that Sam’s right, and he should just ask Castiel how long he’s planning on staying. He’d offered Cas to stay at the bunker with them (well, them until Sam met Emma at the Farmer’s Market) for as long as he wanted, and he made sure Cas’s room was comfortable, that he had everything he needed to get by as he adjusted to being fully human again, for good this time.

 That was another thing. Cas didn’t want to talk about how or why he was human again. He would only say “It’s my choice, Dean, that’s all that matters” before changing the subject. Yeah, Dean gets not wanting to talk about feelings but it makes him apprehensive knowing Cas is keeping things from him. It’s another reason Dean’s hesitant to ask about Cas’s plans for his future.

 Dean closes his eyes for a moment. “Focus, Winchester!” he mutters to himself. He places a catch pan beneath the oil pan, then twists the wrench to loosen the drain plug before removing it with his gloved hand. The old, black substance pours out into the pan.

 Dean slides out from under the car while the oil drains, gathers up the new spark plugs and the proper socket for his wrench.

 “Let’s get you purring, K?” he says to the car.

 This he can do, he thinks. Cas? Nope, not yet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to thestoryinsideme for helping out with my generous use of the comma, finding the name of the roller thingy mechanics use (mechanics creeper) and showing me a few places I needed to make clearer. Mostly for the enouragement though, I would've sat on the basic idea forever otherwise. Thanks! PS If you haven't read her fics yet, do it, stat!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week earlier …
> 
> The first thing Dean registers upon waking in the cheap motel room is the quiet: no Cas snoring quietly from the other bed, no shower running nor the telltale tapping of keys indicating Cas is surfing the internet. An ex-angel doing any of those things still seems so surreal to Dean, despite the last 6 months watching Cas adjust more and more every day to being human.

A week earlier …

The first thing Dean registers upon waking in the cheap motel room is the quiet: no Cas snoring quietly from the other bed, no shower running nor the telltale tapping of keys indicating Cas is surfing the internet. An ex-angel doing any of those things still seems so surreal to Dean, despite the last 6 months watching Cas adjust more and more every day to being human.

The next thing Dean registers is the dull throbbing pain in his upper back reminding him of the vamp that tried to (ok, did) slow him down by body slamming him into a bookcase in that squatter house. It had worked - for a moment. As Dean tried to shake off the pain, a machete sliced through the vamps neck, a clean cut. The head falls back and body falls to the ground leaving Cas standing on the other side from Dean.

Cas’s blue eyes were fierce as he then turned and gracefully stabbed another vamp in the chest with his angel blade. It’s cold grey eyes flickering and then burned out. He spun the other way and hurled machete in his other hand, pinning the last vamp against the wall momentarily until it’s head fell to the ground, its body sliding down the wall onto the floor next to it, a trail of blood coating the wall behind it.

Cas may be human now, but with the angel blade and pretty much any other hand weapon he was nearly unmatched in skill, likely from far too many centuries of hand-to-hand combat.. Dean watched in awe, too stunned from the blow to jump in and help, and when Cas looked back at him with a look of sheer, Dean could gulped.

Dean shakes himself from memories of last night when he realizes there’s a part of his body that is waking up much quicker than the rest of him. Oh no, no! Come on, not right now he’s gotta be right over there! Dean cracks open his eyes and looks over at the other bed. It’s empty the twisted sheets and comforter the only sign that Cas had slept there at all.

“Cas? What are you doing in there, meditating? It’s my turn?” Dean says, only realizing he’s going to have to find a way past Cas without him noticing and worse commenting on the bulge in his boxers. He may be adjusting to his new humanity faster than Dean expected, but he still had a lot to learn about polite conversation. OK, maybe Dean’s not the best role model so that’s not entirely on Cas.

There’s no answer. Dean sits up in bed and repeats himself “Cas? You in there?”. Getting no answer still, he leans over and picks his pants up from the floor next to the bed, pulls the covers back over his aching body.

Dean looks back over at the nightstand next to Cas’s bed and sees that his wallet and phone are gone. So are the clothes that were left beside his bed. Slipping his pants on, Dean rushes over to the bathroom and pushes the door open, finding the room empty. Cas is gone.

Dean practically leaps over to the window and pulls back the hideous flower pattern curtain to reveal an empty parking space where he’d left the Impala last night. Dean’s breath quickens and his hands shake as he runs them through his hair, grabbing onto the longest bits just to have something to hold onto.

No, no, no! Not like this! Dean is suddenly lost trying to decide which loss scares him the most , Cas or the Impala, when the rumble of the Impala’s V8 engine gets closer and stops just outside the window. Dean’s heartbeat slows down as he closes his eyes, takes a few deep breaths as he attempts to calm himself down.

Even before the door opens and Cas walks through carrying two takeout boxes in one hand and a carrier with two coffee cups in the other, Dean decides for the moment that it’s the Impala he was more worried about, since he’s not ready to deal with why he was so scared Cas had left. He’s far from denying there’s something there it’s just too much to process for now.

“Good morning, Dean,” Cas says as he sets his cargo on the table and straightens to look at Dean quizzically.  
Dean hasn’t said a word yet. Cas runs his hand through his messy hair, Dean’s old Led Zeppelin t-shirt hugging his lanky yet toned chest and blue jeans hugging his rear perfectly (yep, Dean noticed that.)

Finally willing himself to speak Dean grumbles “Where did you go?” in a tone slightly rougher than he’d intended.

Cas tilts his head to the side in that way that makes Dean’s heart skip a beat, and narrows his eyes as if trying to read Dean’s mind, even though he can’t do that anymore. That’s probably a good thing, Dean thinks, or he’d be running for the hills.

Cas motions to the boxes and coffee on the table, “Breakfast?”

“You could’ve left a note you know. “

“I did”. Cas motions towards Dean’s nightstand and Dean follows his hand, and there it is. He takes a step over and picks it up, scrutinizes the note scrawled in Cas’s precise handwriting. **I went to get breakfast for us. Will be back shortly. Cas.**

“Oh, sorry man, I’m feeling a little rough this morning” Dean says apologetically. “I just thought you’d …” Dean trails looking anywhere but at Cas.

Realization dawns on Cas’s face. “Did you think I left?” he says quietly. “With the Impala?”

Dean just shrugs uncertainly earning him a mournful stare from Cas.

“What’s you get us? Better not be rabbit food!” Dean swerves, not answering Cas’s questions. It’s much too early in the day for a heart-to-heart, and he’s not sure he wants the to answer the first question. Yeah, he knows Cas would never really take Baby from him but the other thing?

Cas huffs, but blessedly doesn’t push for an answer, instead replying “I got you pancakes, eggs and bacon. Isn’t that correct?”

Dean offers a big smile “Hell yeah! Maybe I’ll even let you pick your own music when you drive for that!” He sits down to dig in to his meal. Cas sits also. He looks at Dean as if he wants to say something, but doesn’t stops, then purses his lips together and opens his boxed breakfast.

Later that evening as the Impala rumbles into Lebanon, Cas looks out the window watching the scenery change from sprawling cornfields to the two-story farmhouses so common in the town, while Dean drives, thumbs tapping on the steering wheel to the strains of AC/DCs Thunderstruck.

“Almost home” Cas muses and something in Dean’s chest clenches momentarily at the word home. He smiles back at Cas “So Kansas isn’t so bad?”

Cas offers a small smile “It’s a fine place, I rather enjoy it, despite the moist air this summer.”

Dean smiles too, then back to the road.

“Although, that shark documentary we watched last night made me realize I’ve never really been to the ocean.” Cas says, “Not to just enjoy it at least. I’d like to go someday.”

Of course Dean thinks ruefully. There it is, first the beach, then Mexico and then he’ll just go.

It’s while he’s inwardly pouting that Dean sees it on the side of the road. A two door 1965 Chevy Impala with faded yellow paint and the words “For Sale” written on the windshield. It clearly needs a lot of work, but nothing Dean can’t do himself. It’s perfect for Cas. If Cas is going to leave, Dean will make sure that this time he has got something more than just a bit of cash and some clothes. The Impala was his and Sam’s home when they had no where to sleep, and he’ll be damned if Cas doesn’t at least have that. More selfishly, he thinks that giving Cas an Impala would be a constant reminder of Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to thestoryinsideme for helping me to clean it up as well as clearing up a few things! The next chapter may take a bit longer to get out as I've got a lot of RL things that will get in the way but will NOT be any longer than two weeks. Sorry, but just wanted to give a heads up so no one thinks I'm just abandoning the story!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The car may be on blocks, but the engine rumbles as it should; ripped and cigarette burned seats replaced. The body was straight again (there had only been a few minor dents to begin with) and there are new brake pads ready to be installed as soon as he’s through replacing the tires. After that, a new coat of paint and she’ll be ready for the open road.
> 
> Dean closed his eyes at that last thought.

Back in the present … the day of the BBQ

Dean grunts as he loosens the last lug, releasing the tire from Cas’s Impala. He rolls, insomuch as you can roll a flat tire, over to join the other 3 reject tires leaning against the garage wall and turns to survey his progress.

The car may be on blocks, but the engine rumbles as it should; ripped and cigarette burned seats replaced. The body was straight again (there had only been a few minor dents to begin with) and there are new brake pads ready to be installed as soon as he’s through replacing the tires. After that, a new coat of paint and she’ll be ready for the open road.

Dean closed his eyes at that last thought. He doesn’t want Cas to leave but the only thing Dean is good at, apparently, is hunting and fixing cars. He has nothing else to offer Cas, and there’s a whole world out there that Cas had never really been able to explore as an angel.

Cas staying in the bunker is really nice - no amazing - and Dean enjoys every minute of it. Loves sleep-ruffled Cas in the morning, introducing him to ice cream, and the confused look on his face when he tried to explain why people love watching baseball. But when they went to watch a Royals/Giants game in Kansas City, by the end of the game Cas was standing up alongside Dean, yelling at the umpire about his bad call.

They’d laughed so hard that day, and Dean hadn’t been that happy in a long time. But that wasn’t his life, and nothing good ever seems to last. There is only the hunt at the end of the day.

Throwing down the shop rag he’d been running through his fingers he looks at his watch. “Crap, time to get going” he says, and walks into the bunker.

Once he steps back inside he hears that crappy 80’s music Cas has been listening to lately wafting from the kitchen, and makes his way through the map room towards it  
.  
Dean stops in the kitchen entryway and there’s Cas, happily slicing through watermelon on a cutting board and tossing chunks into a glass bowl partially filled with strawberries, grapes and cantaloupe. He’s so engrossed in his task he doesn’t even notice Dean watching him, an ex-Angel of the Lord making a fruit salad of all things.

“Seriously, Cas? The Cure?” Dean breaks the moment, causing Cas to drop the blade, startled.

Cas glares at him before replying. “Yes, I enjoy the singer’s voice and find the music pleasing.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Yeah, just don’t think you’re playing that in the Impala, buddy”.” He walks over to Cas and picks up the cantaloupe, rolling it around in his hands.

“No, I would never … if you’re in the car” Cas quips back at Dean, grabbing the melon out of his hands.

Dean puts his hands over his ears. “I hear nothing.”

Cas just smirks at him.

“If you would have told me in Purgatory we’d be ribbing each other over music while you make fruit salad I would’ve called you crazy,” Dean muses.

Cas huffs, closing his eyes for a moment, and replies, “My mental state prior to Purgatory wasn’t exactly sane, it could still have been true.”

Dean nods in agreement and offers Cas a half smile.

“Besides,” Cas continues, “There really wasn’t a lot of time for music there, or for that matter, fruit salad.”

“No fruit, just vamps and Levis.” Dean adds, “Not much time for BBQs trying to avert the Apocalypse or stopping the Darkness either.”

Cas chuckles. “No there really wasn’t. This is better,” he says quietly.

It really is, Dean thinks. Cas moving into the Bunker after his last meeting with Hannah, which he’d returned from human and tired was a given. There’s plenty of room in the bunker and they’d fallen into a friendship Dean never thought possible in the heat of battle.

Dean smiles, placing his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “It really is,” he replies and then stops as Cas smiles affectionately back.

Dean removes his hand and clears his throat.

“OK, well, I’m gonna shower so we can get going. Told Sam we’d be there at 3 to start the grill,” Dean says as he starts to walk out of the room.

“I’m almost done with the fruit salad so don’t take too long” Cas intones, and then looks at Dean and bites his lip. “I was thinking … could we maybe paint the kitchen?”

“Um, I guess. Why?” Dean says looking around at the white walls of the kitchen as if for the first time.

“The bunker doesn’t have any windows and I thought maybe a coat of paint might brighten it up a bit”

For a moment Dean’s chest tightens in a way he’s unfamiliar with.  
“Yeah? OK, maybe we’ll start thinking about a color.” He smiles at Cas as he steps up into the hallway, and Cas smiles back, before returning his focus back to cutting the watermelon into cubes.

After a quick at grocery store run for supplies, Dean steers the Impala towards Sam’s house.

“It still feels weird having to drive to Sam’s instead of banging on his door down the hall,” Dean grumps, but with little malice behind it.  
Cas looks at Dean, his head tilted slightly. “He and Emma live quite close. You said you were happy for them, is that not correct?”

No, Dean really is happy for them and it isn’t like Sam had bolted off to Stanford this time either. He and Emma have stayed in town, Sam claiming that he didn’t want to be too far from his big brother. He still helps out with research, or acting as Dean and Cas’s supervisor when law enforcement needed to verify their identities.

“Nah, man, I am happy for him. It’s just weird is all,” Dean replies seriously. “It’s always been me and Sammy, almost our whole lives in the car, in shitty hotels and then the bunker.”

Cas looks sadly at Dean and out the window before saying, “And now Sam moved out and I’m here instead.”

The Impala comes to a halt at a stop sign as Dean mentally kicks himself. He reaches over and touches Cas’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m glad you’re here. I know we had our moments over the years but you’re just as important to me as Sam is, OK?” he soothes.

Cas looks turns his head and looks Dean straight in the eyes for a second before nodding in understanding.

“Good! Enough chick flick moments for one day! Got burgers to cook!” Dean presses the gas pedal and the Impala rumbles forward.

Dean pulls the Impala into the driveway of Sam and Emma’s small yellow home and cuts the engine. Cas takes the fruit salad in one hand and a shopping bag filled with ground beef, buns and all the fixing Dean deems worthy of his hamburgers while Dean wrestles the beer and ice filled cooler out of the backseat.

Cas takes the four steps up the front porch, sets the bag down and knocks on the door. Just as Dean is stepping behind him up on the porch the door opens revealing a slender woman with long, dark brunette hair pulled back in a ponytail and a huge smile on her face.

“Cas! Dean! Perfect timing! Sam is just getting the coals going!” Emma beams at them.

“Yeah, well, think you can get Gigantor to help me with the cooler, Em?” Dean grunts while setting the cooler down on the porch.

“Of course, let me go get him.” She waves Cas inside. “Why don’t you take the food into the kitchen and I’ll get Gigantor”.

Cas steps past her nodding, with a smile, and they disappear into the house. “How’d the hunt go?” Dean hears Emma ask as they get further away.

Dean huffs a laugh. Turned out this waitress was the child of a fellow hunter and although Emma had led a mostly normal life, her father had made sure to teach her a thing or two about hunting. She’d helped out, once the Darkness converged on Lebanon, but afterwards went back to her restaurant work.

Dean didn’t blame Sam for choosing her and a more normal life instead of hunting with him, she’s an awesome woman and they’re perfect together.

“Hey Dean!” Sam walks through the door and leans over to grab one of cooler handles while Dean grabs the other and they lift.

“How much beer did you bring?” Sam grouses as he fights to open the screen door with his free hand.

“Well, you said Emma invited a few friends from work so might as well stock up.” Dean grunts as he maneuvers the cooler through the door.

“Yeah, just Cindy, Shannon and her boyfriend, Tom. Not the whole restaurant”

“Ah, quit your bitching, we’re talking about beer not lugging corpses. Or are you getting weak now that you’re not hunting anymore, bitch?” Dean teases.

“Shaddup, jerk”

Later, the sun is goes down leaving purples and pink clouds in it’s wake. Everyone is sitting around the firepit, sated with burgers, fruit salad, veggie kebobs and buzzing nicely from a few beers. Sam scoots closer to Dean, startling him since he’d zoned out for a moment staring into the fire.

“So, have you talked to Cas yet about his plans?” Sam hazards.

Dean shoots him a dirty look before shrugging and concentrating on the beer he’s playing with in his hands, turning it from one hand to the other. “No, I haven’t.”

“Dean …”

“But he’s talking about painting the kitchen … isn’t that something?” Dean looks at his brother hoping that’s somehow the answer to everything.

Sam offers a small smile and huffs. “Yeah, it is, but you can’t just assume it means he’s staying. After everything we’ve been through, I thought we’d all gotten past not being able to talk”

Dean looks back down at the beer, frowns at bit. Sam’s right, of course, but old habits are hard to break. What if Cas says he wants to see what he can do on his own? What if he says he’s not sure yet? And why does that scare his so much?

If Cas leaves, Dean can find another hunter to hunt with, or just team up with whoever’s nearby, but his stomach clenches at the thought. Who’s he kidding? Dean thinks. It’s not the hunting that makes him happy, it’s who he’s hunting with.

“I want to but …” Dean’s musings are mercifully cut short when Emma comes up next to Sam, putting her hand on his shoulder. Sam looks up at her, smiling.

“Babe, think you help me bring out the things for the S’Mores?” she asks, and he gets up to follow her into the house.

Sam looks meaningfully at his brother before walking away. “I’ll be right back, this isn’t done”.

Dean fakes a smile then looks over the bonfire to see Cas and Cindy laughing and talking. Cas’s forearm rests on the arm of the lawn chair, and Dean hears Cas say something about “road trip” and “Santa Cruz” before Cindy excitedly says “Oh, I’ve never been to northern California! I’ve always wanted to see San Francisco, and Santa Cruz has a cute little boardwalk!”

Dean’s head spins. Maybe it’s the alcohol, but he knows it’s really not. He can’t breathe all the sudden … this beautiful, blonde woman is sitting across from him flirting with Cas while they talk about all places not Lebanon, Kansas and he has a sudden urge to flee.

Dean puts down the beer and heads into the house looking for Sam. Once in the kitchen, he finds Sam and Emma wrapped up in each other, sharing a moment, and that just fuels his need to leave. Now.

The Impala waits in the driveway for him like she always does, and Dean slides gratefully into the driver’s seat. He takes a steadying breath and mutters, “At least I always have you, Baby,” then turns the key in the ignition and backs out of the driveway.

The bottle of Elijah Craig whiskey they’d picked up in Portland, Oregon and his bed the only thing he can focus on. Dean misses his phone lighting up as Cas’s picture fills the screen, the sounds of Led Zeppelin’s “Dazed and Confused” ringtone drowned out by AC/DCs “Thunderstruck” blaring from the Impala’s speakers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a bit longer than I thought! I'm going on vacation at the end of the month so plan of getting this done before then. Anyway, thanks again to thestoryinsideme! I swear I am the proud achiever of a BA and got A's in English! Punctuation is not my friend! Oh well! Enjoy everyone! Hopefully ...!
> 
> Comments welcome!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some advantages to the absolute lack of windows in the bunker. Namely, not having to worry about sunlight blasting in his eyes through a break in the curtain the morning after Dean obviously, if the pounding in his head and the queasiness in his stomach are any indication, drank way too much.

There are some advantages to the absolute lack of windows in the bunker. Namely, not having to worry about sunlight blasting in his eyes through a break in the curtain the morning after Dean obviously, if the pounding in his head and the queasiness in his stomach are any indication, drank way too much.

Dean groans and tries to rollover on the bed. Instead he ends up face down on the living room floor. Yep, drank way too much, he notes, cracking his bloodshot eyes open, and rests his forehead on the cool floor.

Slowly, he lifts his head and looks around the living room. There’s an empty bottle of whiskey on the floor next to the coffee table and an infomercial about some damn mixer on the TV.

“Mf, no … just stop …” Dean sputters as he sits back on his haunches to grab the remote off the coffee table. After hitting the wrong button a few times he manages to hit the power button and the noise, mercifully, stops.

“Cas?” Dean yells and then grabs his head, squeezing his eyes together. _No yelling. Yelling bad_.

Dean sees the phone lying on the floor, half under the chair on the other side of the room. He slowly stands up and unsteadily makes his way across the room towards it. Just as he leans over to pick it up, it rings loudly causing him to sway and drop it on the floor.

Growling Dean picks it up and swipes the screen to answer. “What?” he barks into the phone, any semblance of politeness lost to the pounding in his skull.

“Dean? Where the fuck did you go?” Sam’s voice screams out of the speaker.

Dean pulls the phone away from his head quickly and rubs his hand over his face. This morning just isn’t getting any better.

“Jesus, Sammy, turn it down!” Dean warns in a voice gruffer than usual. “I’m home, where else would I be?”

“Home?” Sam questions, worry and anger in his voice. “Did you forget something? Or maybe, someone? Or even how to say goodbye?”.

Dean reels back in the chair as his memories come flooding back in bits and pieces. Cas talking to some blond woman (Cindy?); Sam and Emma making out in the kitchen; getting in Baby and speeding away. Alone.

“Cas?” Dean breathes.

“I leave for a few minutes and the next thing I know Cas is running out the front door after you and you’re gone!” Sam confronts.

“I … I was …” Dean fumbles unable to kick his liquor-addled mind into gear.

“What? Make me understand, Dean, because we’ve been worried about you all night!”

“Oh, you were both doing just fine without me!” Dean snaps back, then stops. His eyes widen as he realizes just how needy that sounded. Please don’t notice, Dean pleads internally.

“What the hell are you talking about? I told you I’d be right back and Cas was …” Sam stops midsentence, the pieces clicking into place, before continuing, “talking to Cindy. Oh my god. You’re jealous!”

Dean grimaces, runs his hand over his face and warns, “Sam”.

“You’ve been so worried he’s gonna leave that you freaked when all he was doing was talking to someone else!” Sam is nearly gloating.

“Did not!” Dean objects. OK, so maybe he is feeling a little uneasy about Cas at the moment but he’s not jealous. Nope. Well, maybe a tiny bit, but how the hell does Sam know that?

“Did so!” Sam dares, the smile on his face carrying through in his voice.

“Sammy, just stop!” Dean begs. Crap, this conversation is going south quick and he’s in no state to talk himself out of it.

“You know I don’t care, right?” Sam continues but his tone is earnest.

“Jesus, Sam, I’m far too hungover for this,” Dean pleads. The yelling and teasing he can handle, but Sam being supportive of for his feelings towards Cas? He’s not even sure what those feelings are yet, can’t put a name to them, especially not right now.

“Fine, but you just left. You wouldn’t answer either of our calls. Texts. When you didn’t answer he just sat outside staring at the phone until I sent him to bed,” Sam ends.

Silence hangs over the phone line as Dean lets the guilt sink in.

“I just … I dunno. Can’t a man just leave if he wants to leave?” Dean challenges. He knows he’s being a dick about it, but he feels guilty and, more importantly, exposed. The sooner he gets out of the conversation the better.

“Yeah, you can leave, Dean!” Sam counters, “But Cas thinks he did something wrong and we were all worried about you! You don’t live in a vacuum!”

“OK! OK! I get it, just let me take a shower and I’ll come and get him” Dean relents.

“Good, I’ll see if I can get him to come out of the bed before you get here.”

“Fine, good.” Dean just wants some painkillers and water, then clean up before he has to face them.

“Her boyfriend showed up 5 minutes after you left to pick her up,” Sam adds before ending the call.

Well, shit.

Dean looks at his phone, and indeed there are 10 missed calls. Mostly from Sam and Cas, even one from Emma. When he opens up his texts he sees the last three … all from Cas.

**Where did you go? Did I anger you somehow? Please call.**

**I guess I’ll just stay here tonight then.**

**Please let me know you’re safe.**

Dean groans and drops the phone down on the chair.

“Idjiot. That’s me.”

An hour later, Dean stops off at Joe’s Repair in town, cleaned up and feeling a little bit better, all things considered. Might as well take the rims for Cas’s car in to have new tires installed since Cas is with him. Saves him having to make up white lies about which car they’re actually for.

Joe sees him pull up from the garage and steps away from the dusty Ford truck he’s working on to meet Dean at the Impala.

“Morning, Dean!” Joe says in greeting, grabbing Dean’s hand in a firm handshake. “Where’s your partner?”

“My what?” Dean chokes out, flabbergasted. Seriously?

“Cas?” Joe hazards back, a look of confusion on his grease stained face.

“Oh, um, yeah. He’s not my partner, we’re just …” Dean stammers, his face tinged pink as he looks down at an interesting piece of gravel on the ground.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just … nevermind,” Joe deflects. He clears his throat and continues, “So, what can I help you with then?”

“I just need to have tires installed on the rims in the backseat.” Dean tries his best fake smile, as if Joe hadn’t just mistaken he and Cas as partners.

“Sure no problem! I won’t have them done until tomorrow though. Tom’s on vacation this week so it’s just me and Sunday’s we close early”

Dean nods, “Sounds good. Um, just a set of all-weather tires. It’s for a ’65 Impala”.

“Is that the beat up old Impala Hartley had on the side of the road?” Joe says excitedly. Dean nods and Joe looks looks at Baby concerned. “Something wrong with yours?”

“God no!” Dean says quickly and then adds quieter, “Just fixing it up. Too good to rot away.”

“I’m sure it’ll be as beautiful as this one is. Hope to see it when it’s done!” Joe beams at Dean.

“Hey, got any recommendations for a paint shop? I painted mine myself, I just don’t have the facilities anymore” Dean sighs. 

“Yeah, I’ve got a buddy up in Hastings who is one of the best. I’ll get you his number tomorrow.” Joe says follows Dean to the backseat to help unload the rims.

“Thanks, man,” Dean says, “I’ll be back tomorrow to get them.”

Five minutes later he’s standing at Sam’s front door staring at it, wishing he could take back last night. No such luck. Dean takes a deep breath and taps on the door.

The door opens revealing Sam, a warning look on his face, as Cas walks up behind him. Cas looks disheveled, red-eyed and sleepy, but manages a smile at Sam regardless.

“Thank you for letting me stay here, Sam”

“Of course, Cas,” Sam replies, smiling back. “You’re family. You’re always welcome,” He pulls Cas into a hug.

Cas steps backs and nods at Sam before turning back to Dean with a blank face. “Dean,” he greets in a flat voice and walks past him.

Dean looks incredulously at Cas’s retreating back and quips, “What? No ‘Hello, Dean’?”

Cas turns back to level one of his patented “I will smite you where you stand” looks before opening the door and getting into the car.

Dean watches and turns back to Sam, who only shakes his head at him before stepping back into the house. “Good luck with that” Sam teases as he shuts the door behind himself.

Cas slams the door loudly before looking purposefully out the passenger window.

Looking up towards the sky, in vain, for answers, Dean sighs and takes a step off the porch.

“Fantastic”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was just supposed to be part of the next chapter but I have had too much fun with hungover Dean getting grilled by Sam. He kinda deserved it for bailing, so it ended up a chapter.
> 
> Thanks as always to thestoryinsideme for helping me clean up the grammer a bit. 
> 
> Enjoy! Oh, and I've started the next chapter but probably won't get it done before we leave on vacation. I'm only taking my iPad and writing anything lengthy on that is just torture. We'll see though ... I'm sure there will be times I can steal a few moments at a coffee shop or something!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The tension in the car is palpable. Dean reaches over to turn on the music, just to break the silence, but stops as his fingers graze the knob and drops his hand back to the steering wheel. He glances over at Cas, who is still staring out the window as fields of corn and sunflowers float by outside.
> 
> Cas’s expression is nearly unreadable, somewhere between angry and betrayed, his gaze intent. If he were still an angel, the window may have blown out from its intensity.

 

The tension in the car is palpable. Dean reaches over to turn on the music, just to break the silence, but stops as his fingers graze the knob and drops his hand back to the steering wheel. He glances over at Cas, who is still staring out the window as fields of corn and sunflowers float by outside.

 

Cas’s expression is nearly unreadable, somewhere between angry and betrayed, his gaze intent. If he were still an angel, the window may have blown out from its intensity.

 

“Cas?” Dean hazards.

 

Dean sees his eyelids flicker but he continues to stare out the window, obviously choosing not to answer. He takes a deep, steadying breath. “Cas, look, I’m sorry I just …”.

 

“Left me there,” Cas grates. His shoulders are tense, his voice low and barely restrained.

 

“Yeah, I did. I shouldn’t have.  I don’t …” Dean tries.

 

“No, you shouldn’t have” Cas snaps. “I didn’t know where you were or if you were hurt. Do you have any idea how worried I was?”

 

Dean, may feel guilty as hell, but suddenly all those times that Cas just flew off leaving Dean behind come flooding back. “Oh please! How many times did _you_ just flap off without a word?”

 

Cas turns his head to face Dean, a look of righteous anger crossing his features. “Dean, that was …”

 

“All the time, Cas!” Dean cuts him off. “I tried praying and I got nada in return!”

 

Cas looks down, frustrated, and Dean tries to will his anger down but he’s on a roll and really, he’s never let go of how worried and scared he was when Cas was out there somewhere with no backup leaving Dean behind feeling useless.

 

“In Lucifer’s crypt!” Dean yells. “After everything, you grabbed the angel tablet and high tailed it out!”

 

“I had to protect the tablet!” Cas protests. “And as long as I kept it away from you Naomi would leave you alone! I was trying to protect you too!”

 

Dean swerves the Impala over to the side of the road and slams the gear shifter into park. “I can take care of myself! I’ve been doing it for years, in case you forgot!”

 

Cas slumps in his seat and looks down at his hands, “I thought I was doing the right thing.” He sounds tired, but they’ve had this argument before.

 

“Yeah, well, that worked out just peachy didn’t it? You lost it and almost got killed,” Dean snaps, but he’s stopped yelling. He’d been so damned worried about Cas in the weeks before he’d shown up bloody and weak in the middle of the road.

 

“I don’t know how many times I can say I’m sorry about that. I should have stayed with you. I should have trusted you,” Cas chokes, a tear sliding down his cheek.

 

Dean wipes the tear away and Cas looks up at Dean, “Were you trying to make me understand how that made you feel last night? Is that why you left?”

 

Dean runs his hand over his face, “No, I dunno, man, it wasn’t like that. I just … you were talking to Cindy and I just …”  _Don’t want to lose you? No, can’t say that. Was jealous? Really can’t say that._

 

“Thought I didn’t need you anymore.” Cas looks Dean in the eyes.

 

Dean gulps and looks away, unable to respond.

 

“Dean, I will always need you. I know I’ve never said as much, but I mean it. I always needed you.” Cas lifts Dean’s chin so he has no choice but to look into his eyes. “Well, ever since I raised you from perdition, of course.”

 

Dean looks at Cas.  He sees the earnest expression on his friend’s face and nearly chokes. Maybe he’s been worrying about Cas leaving for no reason, except his own fears playing tricks in his head. Meanwhile, he’s hurt the one other living person aside from Sam that he truly loves. _Loves?_

 

“Am I not allowed to talk to other people, other than Sam or Emma?” Cas asks.

 

“No, of course not, Cas,” Dean breathes. Shit, now he really feels horrible. “Of course you can talk to other people, I just …”

 

“Doubted yourself. I’m sorry that my past choices have made you think that. You must remember I didn’t truly understood when I was an angel,” Cas explains. “I had a mission, I did it. Unless you needed to know I didn’t feel the need to tell you.”

 

“Oh, I got that,” Dean agrees, a little bitterly. “Loud and clear.”

 

“If I’d known at the time I would have told you, and kept in touch. I wish I could go back and change it all, but I just didn’t comprehend fully why you were worried.” Cas agrees. He bites his lip nervously.

 

“It’s okay, I’m not exactly a role model in feelings, in case you haven’t noticed,” Dean deadpans with a half-smile.

 

Cas smiles back for a moment before the frown returns and he looks out the window again. “I found last night very unpleasant not knowing where you’d gone or if you had been in an accident.”

 

“Sorry, I just … well, I wasn’t thinking,” Dean replies, regret in his voice. “Won’t happen again.”

 

“Nor from me,” Cas says turning back to Dean, who nods in acceptance.

 

Dean shakes his head, claps his hands and announces, “Alright, that’s enough touchy feely crap for one day! How about breakfast and a _Firefly_ marathon?”

 

Cas smiles at him, “That sounds acceptable. Can we have ribs for dinner?”

 

Dean smacks Cas on the back, “Now y’er talkin’!”  He puts the Impala back into drive, turns the radio on and steers it back onto the road.

 

Later that night they make it through to episode seven - “Out of Gas” - of _Firefly_.  Dean reminisces about how he met Cas, how he and Sam found the bunker and how he feels pretty happy about where his life is at the moment, Apocalypse and Darkness aside.

 

The coffee table is cluttered with plates of cherry pie remnants and bottles of half-drunk beer.  As the credits roll, Dean looks to his left and realizes that Cas has fallen asleep with his head leaning lightly on Dean’s shoulder. _When did that happen?_ Dean wonders. He looks at Cas’s face, relaxed in sleep and is suddenly struck by how right this all feels.

 

They’ve all been through so much over the years, so many battles, both with outside forces as well as personal, but have come out the other side. Sam has Emma, but is still just as important in Dean’s life as he’s always been.  Cas is here with him, and that’s all Dean really wants. _Well, maybe a bit more_ , Dean thinks as he lightly runs his fingers lightly along Cas’s stubbled jaw.

 

Cas snorts in his sleep and burrows in closer. Dean withdraws his hand, not wanting to get caught pawing at him while he slept.  As much as he’d like to stay here like this, he knows if he doesn’t get them to bed they’ll hurt in the morning.

 

Dean reaches over and shakes Cas’s shoulder lightly,  “Cas, come on, time to get into bed.”

 

“m … fine,” Cas mutters, and scrunches his eyes and nose in annoyance.

 

“Nope, let’s go! You’ll regret it in the morning sleeping otherwise,” Dean says, shrugging out from under Cas’s head and standing up. He picks up the remote and shuts the TV off, then holds out his hand to help Cas up.

 

Cas’s blue eyes open a sliver and he glares as best he can before they flutter and close again. “No, I won’t” he mumbles.

 

Dean sighs and grabs both of Cas’s hands and pulls him up to standing, the other man only partially trying to support himself. Dean puts his arm around Cas’s waist, “Come on, buddy. Gotta help me out a little.”

 

Cas grumbles at him, yet slowly they make their way down the hall towards Cas’s room, directly across from Dean’s. When they breach the door, Dean reaches over and hits the light switch causing Cas to close his eyes tighter.

 

Dean snickers a little, “OK, why don’t you get your pants off and get some sleep.”

 

“… don’t care” Cas mutters, slumping onto the bed.

 

“You’re such a grump when you’re sleepy,” Dean teases.

 

“Am not. OK, maybe I am.” Cas reaches down and unbuttons his jeans. He blearily looks at Dean, who is trying to turn himself around to give his friend some privacy but can’t quite do it.  

 

Cas holds his foot up to Dean and pleads, “ A little assistance, please?”

 

Dean’s breath hitches, unsure what to say or do, but then finds himself leaning over to grab the pants bottoms and pulling them off, blushing red as a glint of toned belly shows underneath the AC/DC T-shirt (Dean’s) he’s wearing.

 

Cas, now clad in just the T-shirt and a pair of plaid boxers, curls up in the middle of the bed and promptly drifts off. Dean snorts a laugh, You really suck at good nights.

Sighing, Dean pulls the blanket over the sleeping figure and hears a thump.  He peers on the floor, sees a book lying there, and leans down to pick it up. Even though Metatron retconned every book, movie and TV he’d ever read into Cas’s mind, he still insists on reading them for himself, something about wanting to draw his own conclusions.

 

Once he picks it up he realizes it’s not a book but a journal written in Cas’s own precise handwriting. Dean means to close it and put it on the nightstand, but a sentence catches his attention.

 

           _I just don’t know how to tell Dean._

 

Dean knows he should just walk away because these are Cas’s private thoughts.  But since when does he leave things alone?

_As much as I enjoy hunting with him and spending time with him here at the bunker, there’s so much I never had to time to explore as an angel. I want to see the beach through my eyes and feel the sand and the saltwater on my feet. I want to go hang gliding and feel what it’s like to fly again, even if it’s slow and unwieldy. I want to hike up in the Rockies and see the beauty of what my father created._

_I’m just not sure how he’ll take it or if …_

 

The page ends and Dean realizes there’s a tear streaming down his face.  He angrily wipes it away with the back of his hand. He closes the journal and drops it on the nightstand like it’s burning his hands.

Cas moans in his sleep, and grips his pillow tightly. The noise of the journal dropping intruding on his sleep.

Dean backs out of the room, shuts off the light and shuts the door. Leaning on the door with his eyes closed, Dean curses, “Son of a bitch!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! Was on vacation for 9 days and although I did some writing a few nights it was awkward with the family in the same hotel room. But, hope you enjoy this and the next chapter will be up a bit quicker! Maybe after, not this weekend, but the next! Thanks again, thestoryinsideme! 
> 
> Only two more chapters left ... maybe an epilogue but we'll see about that!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas smirks at him, but hands the mug back. “I’m sorry, I seem to have fallen asleep last night. I don’t know how I got to bed, either.”
> 
> Dean blushes for a moment, thinking back to Cas asleep on his shoulder and helping him into bed. He clears his throat, “Well, you weren’t much help getting there, that’s for sure.” 
> 
> “My apologies,” Cas ducks his head and Dean smiles at him, before remembering he’d spent the morning running to Joe’s garage to get the tires and putting them on. Because Cas was leaving.
> 
> “Yeah, next time I’m leaving you on the couch,” Dean says gruffly causing Cas to cock an eyebrow at him. Stop it, Dean mentally berates himself. He’s allowed to want other things. Even if it’s not me …

The next morning, or rather, late the next morning. Dean sits at the kitchen table nursing a cup of coffee, computer in front of him while he jots down notes for a case. Cas finally emerges, sleepy-eyed still, from the hallway leading to the bedrooms.

“Morning, Dean” Cas mumbles. Dean looks up just as Cas stretches his hands over his head, the AC/DC shirt riding up, revealing a sliver of stomach and a hipbone Dean has a sudden urge to touch so badly his pulse quickens. Dean shakes his head in an attempt to get the image out of his head and manages, “morning, Cas.”

Cas sits in the chair next to him and grabs Dean’s coffee mug out of his hands for a sip.

“Hey! Get your own!” Dean grouses taking it back. He manages an appropriate glare at Cas while doing so.

Cas smirks at him, but hands the mug back. “I’m sorry, I seem to have fallen asleep last night. I don’t know how I got to bed, either.”

Dean blushes for a moment, thinking back to Cas asleep on his shoulder and helping him into bed. He clears his throat, “Well, you weren’t much help getting there, that’s for sure.”

“My apologies,” Cas ducks his head and Dean smiles at him, before remembering he’d spent the morning running to Joe’s garage to get the tires and putting them on. Because Cas was leaving.

“Yeah, next time I’m leaving you on the couch,” Dean says gruffly causing Cas to cock an eyebrow at him. _Stop it_ , Dean mentally berates himself. _He’s allowed to want other things. Even if it’s not me …_

“Sorry, I just woke up early and couldn’t get back to sleep,” Dean explains. Actually, he just couldn’t really sleep at all. He’d spent the night tossing and turning, the words in Cas’s journal playing on an endless loop in his head.

“So you worked on the car?” Cas queries.

“Yeah … what?” Dean stutters. _How the hell does he know?_

Cas licks the end of his finger and gently rubs at a grease spot under Dean’s jaw, “You missed a spot.”

“Oh, I thought I got it all,” Dean mumbles, enjoying the feel of Cas’s fingers on his jaw. _He doesn’t know, about the Impala, at least._ Dean relaxes. “Is it gone?”

Cas scrutinizes his jaw for a moment, “Yes, it seems to be. When do I get to see this antique car you’ve been spending so much time with?”

Dean nods his head towards the computer, “When we get back from the hunt I found us.”

Cas leans in squinting at the screen curiously. “A supposed haunting at a restaurant in Denver?”

“Yeah, the Buckhorn Exchange. It’s been around since 1893, opened by a man named ‘Shorty Scout’” Dean smiles.

“‘Shorty Scout’?”

“It’s the name he was given by Sitting Bull when they were both traveling with Buffalo Bill,” Dean informs, excitement in his voice. “There’s been a few reports of kitchen staff having knives thrown at them from nowhere and cold spots in the kitchen.”

“Hmm … so could be a haunting, or could be you’re fixation with the Wild West,” Cas teases.

“I am _not_ fixated with the Wild West.”

“I seem to recall you getting very excited to go back there years ago. There was a blanket you seemed intent on wearing”

“It was a serape!”

“Uh huh,” Cas gloats, a half-smile lighting up his face.

_Damn, he’s getting better at that_ , Dean muses. “OK, maybe I was, but even if it doesn’t pan out, the food there is supposed to be amazing!” Dean rubs his hands together. “There’s buffalo burgers and sometimes they have an ostrich appetizer that sounds amazing!”

Cas looks at Dean tiredly, quirking an eyebrow at him yet again.

“Oh come on! You know you want to!” Dean pleads, “We haven’t been out in weeks! If it ends up being nothing, at least we get out of here and on the open road! Isn’t that what you want?” Dean cringes, _And this is why we can’t stay here waiting for the car to be done. I need to keep busy or else …_

Cas squints his eyes, then tilts his head, “What I want?”

“Weren’t you talking to, um … Cindy, about road trips or something?” Dean deflects. _Jesus Christ, hold it together!_

“Yes, we were,” Cas agrees, “I’ll start packing,” He gives Dean a lopsided smile before patting Dean on the shoulder and walking towards his own room. “But we’re stopping for brunch on the way out of town,” he says over his shoulder.

“If you woke up earlier, I would’ve made breakfast, ya lazy bum!” Dean chides as he gets up to follow Cas and start packing himself.

“I did!” Cas calls back, “You weren’t here, so I went back to bed. No reason to get up!”

Dean stops at the doorway and watches Cas as he disappears around the corner. He looks around the kitchen and realizes that in a week, when the car is ready to go, it will probably be just him in here. Every day. Alone.

“Like I’m a reason to get up early” Dean gripes too loudly, but luckily Cas doesn’t hear him. Dean takes a steadying breath. _Like you need me to do anything_. He runs his hand over his face and closes his eyes. _Just one more week, I can do this_.

Dean steps back into the kitchen and pulls the phone out of his pocket, unlocks it and presses Sam’s contact info. “Hey, Sam. I got a favor to ask.” Dean pauses for a moment listening, then screws his face into a scowl, “No, Sam! I don’t need you to pick out matching anything for me and Cas! Jesus!”

Another moment passes and Dean replies, “Haha. Yeah, you’re hilarious dude. No, could you and Emma drive Cas’s Impala up to Hasting tomorrow to get painted?”

A week later, Cas and Dean are at sitting at the bar of the Black Powder in Franklin, Nebraska, nursing a beer each and laughing when Sam breezes in.

“Sammy!” Dean crows, still laughing.

Sam looks first at Dean and then at Cas who’s red-faced but laughing. “Wow, what did I miss?”

“Cas, covered in deer heads, that’s what!” Dean says while playfully poking Cas in the side.

“Deer heads?”

Cas blanches, “The ghost we were hunting went through me and the force caused me to fall backwards against the wall and …”

“A bunch of mounted deer heads fell on him!” Dean giggles. “It was like a cartoon, Sam. You should have seen it!”

“I’m glad my pain brings you joy, Dean” Cas grunts as he pulls back the sleeve of his black, button-up shirt showing a freshly scabbed over cut on his arm. There are neat stitches, about six of them where it went in deep.

“Ouch,” Sam says, eyeing the cut. “An antler?” Cas nods and Dean is suddenly under the glare of both brown and blue eyes.

“OK, the cut sucks, I’m sorry that happened. But the look on your face was hilarious,” Dean counters. He takes another pull from his beer and points the top at Cas, “Even the ghost stared.”

“Cas isn’t a cartoon, Dean.”

“I’m sorry, it was funny!”

Sam gives Dean with one of his patented bitch-faces, then claps Cas on the shoulder. “At least he stopped laughing long enough to get the stitches right.”

“Hey!”

Cas huffs a small laugh and stands up, “I don’t know how you put up with him for so long, Sam.”

Sam laughs, but agrees, “He is a pain in the ass, but he’s _our_ pain in the ass.”

“Hey!” Dean complains loudly, “I have to put up with your shit too!”

“Clearly,” Cas says, “Well, just Sam for a moment, I’m going to relieve myself, which will never not be tiring.”

“One of the perks of being human, Cas” Dean ribs.

Cas shakes his head and walks to the men’s room at the back of the bar.

“So, things seem to be back to normal,” Sam ventures, “Did you actually talk to him?” He waves the bartender down and holds up three fingers to order the next round.

Dean rolls his eyes and looks down at the counter. He absently rubs at an imperfection on it and breathes, “no.”

Sam looks at him, exasperated. “Dean! What the hell?” The bartender places three beers in between he and Dean.

“Sammy,” Dean warns.

Sam takes a drink and sighs. “Well, the car is ready, so guess you’ll have no choice now, regardless.”

“Can’t I just leave him a note on the table with the keys and leave for a few days?” Dean pleads. He lets his forehead drop to the bar and closes his eyes.

Sam looks towards the ceiling, “I swear to god, Dean, if you do that I’ll …”

“I know! I wouldn’t really do that! Calm down, Samantha,” Dean cuts him off. _I really want to though. If he says he’s leaving I’ll_ …. Dean cuts himself off mid-thought, changing the subject a bit. “Anyway, how does the car look?”

“She’s beautiful, Dean,” Sam glows, “He’s gonna love it, no matter what.”

“That’s good. It’s real … awesome,” Dean stammers as he reaches into his wallet to pull out some money for a last shot of whiskey. A business card falls out and onto the floor. Sam reaches over to pick it up, looks at it curiously before handing it back to Dean.

“ What does Joe want you to think about?”

Dean shows the bartender his empty whiskey tumbler and waves the cash at him before taking the card back and shoving it into his wallet. “Joe offered me a part time job,” Dean explains.

“Really? That’s great!” Sam beams. “Wouldn’t hurt to make some honest money and you love working on cars.”

“Yeah, sure, ‘I can work on Monday and Tuesday and then I’ve got some vamps to kill up in Idaho’. Guys like me don’t get regular jobs, we don’t get happy endings. I’m not you” Dean complains. The bartender sets the new tumbler in front of him and Dean hands him some cash.

“No, you’re not me, but you’re more than just a hunter!” Sam puts his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Heaven and Hell are staying in their corners, the Darkness is gone and you deserve to have your own life! Hunting isn’t a life, you’re worth more than that!”

“More than what?” Cas says sitting down next to Dean.

Dean downs the shot and glares at Sam, who looks glares back before replying, “Dean seems to think he’s only good for hunting. Joe offered him a job at his repair shop, but Dean seems to think he’s worthy of anything so normal.”

All Dean wants to do is crawl under the nearest rock. He sinks his head down into his hands and covers his face.

“You would do well working for Joe or anything you’d like to do, Dean” Cas soothes. Dean groans. Cas sighs, “You’ve always been too hard on yourself.” Cas takes a swig from his beer.

“Would you guys just stop?” Dean begs.

Sam and Cas share a frustrated look and Dean sighs. “Can we just go back to the bunker? I’m so done with this conversation!” Cas tilts his head in confusion, “You mean home?”

“Yeah, whatever.” Dean tries to steer the conversation toward a different topic. “I think my memory foam forgot me and I need to remind it who I am,” _Stop talking about me like I’m worth anything. You’re just gonna leave …_

“Well, I just dropped in to say hi and have a quick drink anyway,” Sam says, setting his now empty beer on the counter. “I have to work in the morning.” He stands up and grabs both of them from behind into a bear hug.

Dean looks at Sam as casually as he can. “You coming over after work?”

Sam gives Dean a knowing smirk, “Of course I am. Can’t wait to see the look on your face when you’re wrong.”

Cas squints at Sam, “What is Dean be wrong about?”

“So much, Cas,” Sam says, “So much.”

“Bitch”

“Jerk”

Cas looks between them and shakes his head, “Why do you insist on calling your brother a female dog, Dean?”

Dean starts cracking up, and Sam follows right behind. Cas glares at them both indignantly and takes the last sip from his beer, then sets it down soundly on the counter.

“Sorry, Cas,” Sam says soberly and pats him on the shoulder.

Dean does the same, although his hand lingers. Tomorrow Cas could be on his way out west for all he knows. This could be the last night they all get to hang out together. The last night he gets to touch Cas at all. “Come on, buddy, let’s go back to the bunker,” Dean chokes out.

“Yes, let’s go _home_ ,” Cas corrects, and turns to walk out the door.

Dean watches him walk away, definitely _not_ enjoying the view. Home? _Not if you’re not there, it’s not_.

Dean looks over at Sam, who’s giving him a sorrowful look. _Fuck my life_ , is all Dean can think. He gets up follows behind Cas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was so not supposed to take so long, but had family visiting and my first draft I wanted to burn! Anyway, thanks to thestoryinsideme yet again for helping me clean it up a bit! 
> 
> The Buckhorn Exchange in Denver? It's a real place and the food really is amazing (even the ostrich appetizer)! However if you're overly freaked out by mounted animal heads and taxidermy mountain lions, this is not the place for you. I had to keep repeating "I'm here for the experience" and not look up at the dead animals myself. It was worth it though!
> 
> The next chapter may actually be Cas's POV, or at least part of it, so just wanted to give you a heads up. I haven't really given him much of a voice yet but I think for the story he's going to tell it needs to be from him, but if that doesn't make sense I won't do it that way!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You ready for this, Dean?” Sam asks, cautiously. 
> 
> Dean’s mouth goes dry and he can feel his heartbeat speed up, his breath suddenly labored. Shit, this is really happening. Man up, Winchester. He balls his hands into a fist and nods at Sam. 
> 
> “OK, then, I’ll go get him,” Sam claps Dean on the shoulder as he moves towards the bunker door. Before he opens it he turns back to Dean, “It’ll be fine, I know it.”
> 
> “Sam, just get him,” Dean manages, wiping some dust from the gravel driveway off the fender. The door shuts noisily behind Sam as he disappears inside.

It’s a little after 2 pm when Dean sees the blue Impala approaching the bunker. Sam texted before he left and Dean hurriedly excused himself from the TV room where he’d been watching another episode of “Firefly” with Cas.

 

Cas had looked at him curiously and asked if everything was okay, and Dean lied, saying he just wanted to wait for Sam outside, no big deal.  As if he wasn’t about to possibly lose the only other person other than Sam that he couldn’t survive without.  Cas had been satisfied with his answer and turned his attention back to the TV, completely unaware of what was coming.

 

Sam stops the Impala in front of Dean. The car _is_ beautiful. It’s new dark blue paint job gleams, reminding him of the color of Cas’s eyes, of the tie that he’d lost years ago when he became human the first time. The sound of the car door shutting as Sam gets out of the car breaks Dean’s reverie. 

 

“You ready for this, Dean?” Sam asks, cautiously. 

 

Dean’s mouth goes dry and he can feel his heartbeat speed up, his breath suddenly labored. _Shit, this is really happening. Man up, Winchester._ He balls his hands into a fist and nods at Sam. 

 

“OK, then, I’ll go get him,” Sam claps Dean on the shoulder as he moves towards the bunker door. Before he opens it he turns back to Dean, “It’ll be fine, I know it.”

 

“Sam, just get him,” Dean manages, wiping some dust from the gravel driveway off the fender. The door shuts noisily behind Sam as he disappears inside.

 

After what seems like hours but is really more like two minutes, Sam emerges from the bunker with Cas following close behind him. 

 

Cas looks first at Dean curiously then takes notice of the car behind Dean. He steps towards it as if drawn to it, before looking up at Dean in confusion. “Dean, what is this?”

 

Dean gestures towards the car, “What’s it look like, Cas?”

 

“It’s a car, an Impala to be precise.” Cas notes. “Why is it here?”

 

“It’s yours,” Dean says. He looks into Cas’s eyes which are squinted in bewilderment.

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“People usually say ‘thank you’, Cas” Dean grumbles, shooting Cas a sour look.

 

“Thank you,” Cas replies, but he’s still confused. “ Why do _I_ need a car?”

 

Dean closes his eyes, _Just say it!_ “So you can leave and go on those road trips you wrote about.” Dean opens his eyes again, needing to gauge Cas’s reaction more than anything.

 

“I … wrote about? How did you …. Did you read my journal?” Cas says, his eyes clouded with anger and hurt. 

 

Sam clears his throat and looks at Dean expectantly.

 

_Great, he just loves watching me squirm._

 

“Uh … maybe one page. On accident.” Dean stammers as he looks away. 

 

“That’s why you’ve been quieter than usual this week.” Cas sighs. He steps closer to Dean, “You’re worried that I’m going to leave?”

 

Dean tries to take a step back but the car is right behind him, trapping him in place.“That’s what it seemed like to me so if you want to leave that’s fine! I won’t stop you. You never stay anyways!”

 

“Give me the keys.” Cas holds out his hand, anger dripping from his voice.

 

“What?” 

 

“The keys, Dean. Give them to me.” Cas repeats. 

 

“Here!” Dean pulls the keys out of his pocket and slaps them in Cas’s hand _._

 

Dean tries move away, intent on storming into the bunker but Cas’s hand darts out to grip his arm. “Get in the car.” 

 

Dean pulls his arm from Cas’s grip, “No.” 

 

“Get. In. The. Car. Now” Cas orders, sounding much more like the smite-first ask questions later angel he used to be. He looks down and sighs, calming himself down. “Please?” He looks back up at Dean, eyes pleading in a way that Dean can’t refuse even though all he wants to do is run.

 

“Fine!” Dean barks as he opens the passenger door and gets in, slamming the door behind himself.

 

“Sam, we’ll be back soon,” Cas says as he walks around the front of the car. 

 

“Yeah. I’ll just, um, wait in the bunker,” Sam says, wide-eyed. He smiles nervously at Dean before disappearing inside.

 

Cas slowly walks around the front of the car, running his hand along the front fender. A small smile graces his lips for a moment, but in the time his face disappears from Dean’s view and he gets in, it’s gone.

 

“Where are we going?” Dean asks, checking his jacket pocket for his phone. 

 

“Somewhere we can talk. Alone.”

 

Dean looks at Cas and raises an eyebrow. “We couldn’t have done that at the bunker?” _Where I can hide in my room if I need to,_ Dean thinks darkly _._

 

“Not this talk” Cas turns the key in the ignition and the engine roars to life. He revs it and hums appreciatively as he puts the car in drive and sets off towards the main road.

 

Dean reaches out to turn the radio on, just to break the silence, but Cas swats his hand away without even turning to look at him.

 

Dean crosses him arms and looks out the window. _Just kill me now … is that too much to ask?_

 

They travel down the road in silence for fifteen minutes before Cas pulls off onto a gravel road leading to a stream. He parks carefully under a grove of trees and gets out of the car. 

 

Dean takes a deep breath and follows suit. Cas motions for him to follow, and they walk down a trail leading to the edge of the stream. Cas stops and looks out at it, deep in thought, as if trying to decide where to start.

 

“Why are we here?” Dean prods. _Let’s just get this over with._

 

“Do you remember the last time we were near a river?” Cas asks without turning around.

 

“Purgatory.” Dean breathes, barely audible over the quiet gurgling of water over rocks.

 

“You said we were going home.” Cas says, turning back to look at Dean. 

 

“Yeah, I did,” Dean muses before remembering how he’d come through the portal alone save Benny’s soul stored in his forearm. “But you decided it was more important to stay there and brood instead of coming with me!”

 

“I know. I should have left with you, but there’s nothing I can do to change that,” Cas says, regret tinging his voice. “ Besides, that’s not what we’re here to talk about.”

 

“Then what are we here to talk about?” Dean grates.

 

“Home.”

 

“Home?”

 

“Yes.” Cas looks steadily into Dean eyes before continuing, “I really hadn’t thought about where home _was_ until then.”

 

Dean blinks and his eyes widen, “Oh.”

 

“Obviously for the vast majority of my life, home always meant Heaven,” Cas kneels down by the stream and runs his hand through the water. “But, I wasn’t sure I felt that way anymore. After everything I’d done to Heaven …”

 

“Because you wouldn’t have been welcome there.”

 

“Yes, but it was more than that. I’d changed,” Cas looks down. “Of course, I wanted to try and redeem myself for my transgressions against Heaven. I couldn’t walk away with that guilt weighing on my conscious.”

 

“So, how was locking yourself in Heaven with all those winged dicks a good plan?” Dean says, hunching down to catch Cas’s eyes. “Cas, they would have killed you.”

 

“It’s not what I wanted, but I thought it was the only way,” Cas picks up a small rock and stands. He turns his back to Dean again and continues, “I thought if both Heaven and Hell were locked up, then humanity would be safe. That you would be safe.”

 

“But, then Metatron betrayed you.” Dean stands, watching as Cas’s head drops lower. He walks up behind him and puts his hand between Cas’s shoulder blades, where his wings had once been. “It wasn’t all _your_ fault. You know that right?”

 

“I should have known it was too easy,” Cas angrily throws the rock into the river and looks up at the sky, anguish evident on his face. Dean knows he’s reliving watching the angels fall, just as he and Sam had done that night. “I should’ve waited for you instead of rushing off.”

 

“I think we’ve all been taken for a ride at some point, Cas.” Dean soothes. “Sam believed Ruby, I took on the Mark. It sucks, but we’ve all gotten up off the mat and come back fighting.”

 

“Yes, we have,” Cas turns back to Dean. “But it didn’t leave a lot of time to really think about my place in the world.”

 

“No, I guess we’ve had a few _small_ bumps in the road” Dean agrees. _Metatron? The Mark? The Darkness? More like an obstacle course._

 

Cas smirks, “You could say that,”

 

“Yeah, it’s been a wild ride,” Dean snorts, a small smile playing on his lips. “So, when did you decide where home is?”

 

“When Hannah came to take me back home to Heaven.” Cas closes his eyes, then steadies himself. “I had to make a choice.”

 

“I thought you didn’t have a choice?” Deans asks.

 

“In a manner of speaking, I didn’t.” Cas presses his lips together, brow furrowed.

 

“I don’t understand,” Dean says. “I assumed they took your grace because they’re dicks and thought you didn’t deserve to go home.”

 

Cas chuckles, “No, that wasn’t it. Do you remember when I was helping Hannah bring all the rogue angels back to Heaven?”

 

“Yeah, I do.” Dean remembers how he’d felt when Cas left with the _female in the car_ after helping to drive the demon out of Dean’s soul.He’d felt so raw, and Cas had left again, on yet another Heavenly mission. _You didn’t ask him to stay, so calm down,_ he thinks. “I thought you’d gotten them all back.”

 

“All except one,” Cas says, as he looks at his fingers which have balled up into fists. 

 

Dean looks questioningly at Cas, realization dawning on him. “You mean _you_ , don’t you?”

 

Cas nods and looks out across the stream, resignation written on his features.

 

“But, you’re not a rogue angel, Cas!”

 

Cas laughs darkly, “Oh, I think you’ll find that the angels would disagree with you on that point. The Apocalypse? Playing God? Breaking Metatron out of jail?”

 

“But, you stopped Metatron and helped us with the Darkness!” Dean says, the anger is his stomach turning up to a slow roar. “That doesn’t mean a damn thing to them does it?”

 

“It does, just not enough to be allowed to stay.”  

 

“I don’t get it, Cas.” Dean says, much calmer than he feels. “I just … I know you haven’t exactly followed the rules, but you’ve done more good than harm.”

 

“Maybe, or at least I tried,” Cas agrees. “But, regardless, they wanted all the angels back in Heaven.”

 

“Why didn’t they try and make you go back before?”

 

“I wondered that too. Hannah said they let me stay on Earth after the Darkness was unleashed so I could help you and Sam stop it,” Cas looks back at Dean as he explains. “Once we’d locked it away again, Hannah told me it was time to go back to Heaven, to go home.”

 

“ At the diner ? You mean, while we were celebrating? That’s when she decides to show up and spring that on you?” Dean asks.

 

Cas nods, then turns to look at the stream once more before returning his gaze to Dean, “While Hannah was telling me I had to go home, I saw you in the diner’s window. I realized going there meant never seeing you, or Sam, again.”

 

Dean closes his eyes for a moment, suddenly feeling queasy.

 

Cas continues, “And, I knew at that moment, that Heaven wasn’t where I belonged anymore. It wasn’t home.”

 

“What? Just like that?”

 

“Yes,” Cas muses. “I’ve changed too much to really think of it as home anymore. I’m not the same …” Cas pauses, searching for the right term, “ _person_ I was before I met you. I want … things, and I feel things and …” Cas trails off. 

 

“No, you’re not one of them,” Dean finishes. “So, how did you end up human?” 

 

“Hannah told me she couldn’t make an exception for me, that I needed to come home like the others,” Cas says, closing his eyes for a moment. Opening them, he whispers, “So, I asked if I gave up my grace, if I’d be allowed to stay.” 

 

For a moment there’s no sound or movement except that coming from the stream. Dean lets Cas’s words sink in for a moment. 

 

“You ,,, gave up you grace?” Dean breathes. “They didn’t take it from you against your will“

 

“No.”

 

“What if you change your mind?”

 

“I won’t. Besides, my soul will return there when my mortal body ceases to function,” Cas says almost matter-of-factly. “In the meantime, I want to live a human life. I want to be home.”

 

“If Heaven isn’t home, then where is?” Dean almost murmurs. He can barely breathe, but he has to know. 

 

Cas takes a deep breath and looks deep into Dean’s eyes, as if he’s trying to read his soul, which he can’t do anymore. But, damn it feels like it right now.

 

“My home is wherever you are.”

 

“Wherever I am?” Dean says, eyes wide in disbelief.

 

“Yes.” Cas gaze doesn’t waver.

 

“But …” Dean stutters, “You … you gave up Heaven. _Heaven._ For me? I’m a shitty substitute.” _I’m so broken. I’m not worth it,_ Dean thinks, but is unable to pull his eyes away from Cas.

 

“Yes.” Cas says, “And I don’t agree with that assessment.” 

 

Dean’s heart is beating a million miles an hour and he can’t for the life of him pull his gaze from Cas’s. 

 

“Cas, I’m the farthest thing …!”

 

“You need to stop being so hard on yourself, Dean,” Cas steps nto Dean’s personal space. “There’s this old human saying ‘Home is where the heart is’ and my heart no longer belongs to Heaven.”

 

Dean gulps, “It belongs to me? Is that what you’re saying?”

 

Cas nods and carefully, as if he’s afraid Dean will bolt like a frightened animal, puts his hand on Dean’s cheek. 

 

“But … the road trips?” Dean argues, his voice shaking slightly. _You can’t just say that! I saw what you wrote!_ He takes a step back and Cas’s hand falls to his side.

 

Cas takes a breath, “Perhaps you should have read the next page.”

 

“The next .. page?” Dean sputters. 

 

“If you’d read the next page you would have seen that while I _do_ want to do all those things,” Cas pauses for a moment, as if steeling himself. “I want to do them _with_ you.”

 

Dean gawks, at a loss for words. 

 

“You’re everything to me.”

 

“Everything?”

 

“Yes, Dean.” Cas moves his hand under Dean’s jaw and rubs his cheek with his thumb when Dean makes no move to run away.

 

Dean swallows. “Why didn’t you say anything before?” 

 

“I was afraid you’d reject me in that way. I am, for all intents and purposes, male.” Cas says, while cautiously continuing to run Dean’s cheek. “You’ve never given any indication that that you were interested in men sexually, much less romantically”

 

“Not traditionally, no” Dean points out. “But neither one of us is really all that traditional, are we?”

 

Cas looks at Dean, smiling, and huffs, “No, I guess not.”

 

“So, you never wanted to leave?”

 

“Never,” Cas takes a deep breath. “But, with how you’ve acted the last few weeks and giving me the car I thought you wanted me to leave. But you don’t, do you?”

 

Dean surges forward, closing the distance between them, and seals their lips in a kiss. It’s urgent and passionate. Cas squeaks in surprise, before giving into it.

 

All Dean can think is how feels so exciting and new to kiss Cas. He’d always though it would be awkward kissing another man, but as the kiss deepens and Cas allows his tongue in he finds it’s not awkward at all. It’s amazing. It’s Cas.

 

Dean pulls himself back and looks into Cas’s eyes, panting “No, I never _wanted_ you to leave, Cas. Not ever.”

 

“So, I can stay then?” Cas bumps his forehead gently against Dean’s and smiles at him. 

 

“Honesty, the bunker wouldn’t have been home if you’d left,” Dean admits. He puts his hand on Cas’s hips, “I need you … with me. I’m sorry I was too chicken to be clear about that before.”

 

Cas catches Dean lips and runs his tongue along his bottom lip and Dean can’t help but let him in. He runs his hands up Cas’s back and pulls him closer, until neither of them can breathe and he regretfully pulls back for a moment.

 

Cas is breathing fast and his eyes have changed to a stormy blue, a blissed out smile on his face. _Wow, I did that to him. With him._

 

“Well, perhaps, I too, have been ‘chicken’” Cas murmurs. “That’s something we _both_ need to work on.” 

 

“What? Talking?” 

 

“Yes.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right. But, at the moment I’m done talking. There’s better things to do with our mouths.” He pushes Cas back against a tree and molds his body against his. The feel of their bodies being so close causes him to moan lowly before slowly kissing and licking his way up from Cas’s collarbone to his earlobe. 

 

Cas shudders against him. “Yes, we’ve got time.”

 

Dean presses his hips into Cas, who gasps in surprise. Dean looks at Cas and cocks an eyebrow, “Want to break in your new car?”

 

“Why would I want to break it? It’s beautiful?” Cas looks at Dean, confused.

 

Dean laughs, “Break _in_ , not break, Cas,” and pulls him in closer with his hands on Cas’s ass.

 

“Oh!” Cas gets with the program and then stutters “We don’t have … don’t we need …”

 

“Yes, we need certain things, which we don’t have at the moment.” Dean says, pulling Cas’s hand to his mouth so he can suck on his pointer finger for a moment. He stops and whispers “But, there are other things we can try.”

 

Cas’s breath hitches, “I think I would like that.”

 

“Uh, huh,” Dean leans in, catching Cas’s bottom lip between his and alternates between biting and sucking on it.

 

“Why are we still here?” Cas pants.

 

“Wow, feisty aren’t we? I like it!” Dean crows, earning a blush and a shy smile from Cas.

 

Dean steps back, somehow, from Cas’s warmth and holds out his hand to him, “Come on.”

 

Cas takes his hand and they walk back to Cas’s Impala, brushing against each other’s shoulders along the way. Dean never lets go of Cas’s hand and Cas never tries to pull it away from Dean’s.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long! I just wanted to get it right and, well, it's a lot longer so please forgive me! Already started on the epilogue! Again, I can't thank thestoryinsideme enough for helping me clean it up. I did change up a section towards the end after she looked at it so if there's anything glaringly wrong that's all on me!


	8. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean feels his pulse quicken the closer they get to the bunker. They’d woken not long ago, mostly naked, wrapped up in each other in the back seat of Cas’s Impala, and had a lazy, yet amazing, makeout session. Being with Cas, really with him, was better than he’d ever let himself imagine.
> 
> He knows Sam will be fine with it, he’s as much as said so. The reality of telling him is causing his thoughts to run wild, for panic to set in. Cas must know what he’s thinking because he puts his right hand on Dean’s knee and squeezes, offering a warm smile.
> 
> Dean smiles back and places his hand on Cas’s. 
> 
> “It’s going to be ok,” Cas soothes, slowing the car as they approach the bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Click here to see a picture of the actual Blue Impala! Or copy and paste ... whichever works!
> 
> http://somanlunatfw.tumblr.com/post/133915437609/blue-impala-chapter-1-somanluna-supernatural

Epilogue

 

Dean feels his pulse quicken the closer they get to the bunker. They’d woken not long ago, mostly naked, wrapped up in each other in the back seat of Cas’s Impala, and had a lazy, yet amazing, makeout session. Being with Cas, really _with_ him, was better than he’d ever let himself imagine.

He knows Sam will be fine with it, he’s as much as said so. The reality of telling him is causing his thoughts to run wild, for panic to set in. Cas must know what he’s thinking because he puts his right hand on Dean’s knee and squeezes, offering a warm smile.

Dean smiles back and places his hand on Cas’s. 

“It’s going to be ok,” Cas soothes, slowing the car as they approach the bunker.

“I know.”

“We don’t have to tell him if you don’t want to, I mean, not yet anyway,” Cas says, a worried arch to his brows.

“No, I want to,” Dean reassures.  “I’m just not sure where to start,” he adds quietly, then looks out the window, rubbing his thumb along Cas’s hand.

Cas turns his hand around and laces their fingers together, “I’m sure you’ll figure out a way.” He stops the car next to Baby and eases his hand away so they can get exit the car.

Dean steps around the front of the car meet Cas, notices the two Impalas sitting side-by-side and chuckles, “That’s just great. Now we’re gonna look like one of the those couples with matching track suits.” 

Cas snakes a hand around Dean’s waist and pulls him close. “Hm … a couple? Is that what we are?” Cas whispers, hope lighting up his face.

“Well … yeah. Um.” Dean stutters, ears tinged red. “I mean, I was hoping.”

Cas leans in and plants a chaste kiss on Dean’s lips, “I would like that, very much. You’re fine with this, though? It’s not too quick?”

“It feels like we’ve been dancing around it for years, doesn’t it?”

Cas chuckles and nods in agreement.

“Now that we’re here, I’m done wasting time,” Dean slides his hand around the nape of Cas’s neck and pulls him in for a searing kiss. Leaning back, he looks into Cas’s eyes, “You?”

“Yes,” Cas says and leans in for another kiss. He stops and squirms, “But, I do need to shower. I’d forgotten how messy sexual relations are.”

“Yeah, I can get behind that,” Dean agrees. There hadn’t been much in the car in terms of cleaning up. 

“Shall we?” Cas nods his head towards the bunker door and takes a step back. 

“After you,” Dean motions Cas inside and they walk through the door, letting it close quietly behind them.

As they descend the stairs into the bunker Dean hears Sam talking, “I think I heard them come in. I’ll call you in a bit.”

Dean’s mind goes into overdrive as he tries to decide how to tell Sam that Cas isn’t just staying. They’re together.

They stop at the bottom of the stairs and Sam looks at both of them in turn, expectantly.

Dean freezes for a second before reaching over to tangle his fingers with Cas’s, rubbing his thumb across his knuckles. He looks over at Cas who smiles softly at him. _Perfect_ , he thinks as he looks up at Sam.

“Staying then?”

“Staying,” Cas confirms. 

“With me,” Dean adds, squeezing Cas’s hand, “Just to be clear.” 

“Yeah, Dean, I get that,” Sam smirks. He steps towards them, enveloping them in a crushing hug. 

“Alright, enough already,” Dean chokes, pushing Sam away. He looks warily at his younger brother, “So, get it all out now, ‘cause this is the only chance you get.”

“Get what out?” Sam chuckles. “I’ve always known you were bisexual, Dean.”

“What?” Dean sputters, “There’s no way!”

“Seriously? Dr Sexy? Han Solo? Not to mention the longing stares between you two, how you’d fall apart every time he disappeared … none of that rings any bells, Dean?”

“No … maybe … ok, yeah,”

“And, Cas,” Sam turns to Cas, whose eyes go wide, “‘Dean and I share a more _profound bond’_?” 

“I didn’t mean …” 

“You gave up a whole army because you refused to kill Dean. Need more?”

“No, you can stop.”

“I think everyone knew, except you two,” Sam points out. “You don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to lock you up in the dungeon until you figured it out.”

“Really, the dungeon, Sam?” Dean says, his eyebrows raised.

Sam shrugs, “Turns out you just needed an Impala.”

“Already broken in!” Dean boasts.

Cas gives him an embarrassed half-smile, “Dean.”

Dean rubs his free hand on back of his neck, “Too much?”

“Yes.” Sam puts his hands over his ears, “I’m happy you two finally got your heads out of your asses, but I know you well enough that I need to leave _now_.” He looks pointedly at his older brother, who looks back at him and shrugs.

“I don’t understand, Sam,” Cas asks, “We were intimate in the Impala but our heads were never …”

“Cas!” Dean and Sam shout in unison.

Cas turns beet red, which, considering how hot Dean feels all the sudden, he must be about the same shade.

“And that’s my cue to go,” Sam cringes. “Look, let’s just keep our sex lives to ourselves, K? We’re family.”

“OK, well you should probably go then, cause I’m dragging this one into a long, hot shower” Dean pulls Cas in and wraps his arms around his waist.

“Dude, really? Fine, I’m taking the Impala.”

“What? Why?”

“My car’s at home,” Sam reminds Dean. He leans over and whispers to his big brother, “And I don’t need to stay and make sure you don’t drink yourself into a hole.” 

“Nope!” Dean tosses his keys to Sam. “Not a scratch, kapiche?”

Sam laughs and squeezes them both on the shoulder. "Why don't you guys come over in a few days and we'll all have dinner to celebrate?"

"Sure."

"See ya then!" Sam says, before scurrying up the stairs as fast as he can.

“So, shower? Food? Then …”

“Bed.” Cas breathes, pulling Dean closer and leaning in to give him a long, deep kiss. “Yours, preferably.”

“Ours, Angel,” Dean corrects, as he sucks a mark into Cas’s collarbone. He whimpers and Dean can’t help the smile that graces his lips. “Although that doesn’t have to mean sleep … at least not right away.”

Cas growls, “Shower. Now, please.”

“Jesus Christ, Cas! Do you even know what that voice does to me?”

“Dean, I’m not Jesus Christ.”

Dean laughs, “Come on, Castiel, ex Angel of the Lord. I do believe there’s a shower calling our names.”

A few days later, Dean crawls back into bed, handing Cas a glass of water. Cas sits up against the headboard and takes a sip before depositing it on the nightstand next to their bed. There’s an atlas spread over the covers on his lap, opened to a page featuring the entire continental US. 

Dean settles in next to him, his arm behind Cas’s bare back, and motions to the map, “So, where are we going first?”

“I was thinking maybe the West Coast,” Cas says, pecking a kiss onto Dean shoulder.

“We’re _not_ going to Disneyland!” Dean groans.

“Not what I was thinking,” Cas assures, “But there’s a beach boardwalk in Santa Cruz and Oregon sounds really beautiful this time of the year.”

“Oregon? Doesn’t it rain there all the time?”

“Not _all_ the time. Besides, if it rains too much we can just stay inside,” Cas suggests, kissing Dean’s neck right below his ear.

Dean purrs, “Sounds perfect. Although, I get to pick next time.”

“Of course.”

“So, my car or yours?”

“Mine. I was thinking we can take it for vacations and yours for hunts.”

“Sure, any particular reason?”

“My Impala was given because you thought I was leaving, but it’s what ended up bringing us together. It just seems right to use it for our trips together.” 

“That makes sense,” Dean agrees. He looks at his watch, “We gotta get ready, Sam and Em are expecting us soon.”

“Must we?” Cas whines, “I’ve grown rather accustomed to walking around naked.”

Dean moves his free hand behind Cas’s head and rests their foreheads together. He looks into Cas’s ocean blue eyes, “We’ve got the rest of our lives and a home without windows. Plenty of naked times ahead of us.”

“I guess I can manage for a little bit then,” Cas smiles as he traces Dean’s hip with his thumb.

Dean leans foreward and Cas slowly falls back onto the bed until Dean is laying on top of him. He kisses the side of Cas’s neck, “We could be a little late though …”

An hour later, sated, showered and clothed, Cas sits behind the wheel of his new car while Dean gets in the passenger side. The car roars to life. Cas turns the stereo on and looks for music he likes, eventually stopping on a station playing Johnny Cash. As the Man in Black sings about a ring of fire, a smile curls Cas’s lips and he nods in appreciation.

Cas puts the engine into drive and looks at Dean, “Ready?”

Dean threads his fingers through Cas’s. “Let’s do this.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, so Chuck wasn't kidding, endings are hard. I knew how I wanted it to end but then it just ended up being a lot harder than I thought! Anyway, it's done! My first Destiel fic! Thanks SO MUCH to thestoryinsideme for nudging me gently in the first place when I said I had an idea, knew I wanted it to be about Dean fixing up a blue Impala for Cas but wasn't sure how I wanted it to go, to actually do it! Thanks for that and for helping me with my punctuation (I graduated from college and aced all of my English classes... it's just been a while since I've had to really think about that sort of thing) and pointing out those times that I know where they are, but unless I put that in the story you don't know where they are. What, you guys can't read my mind? LOL!
> 
> Anyway, I may post a much more mature timestamp later but not gonna tackle that yet. 
> 
> I am on Twitter at somanlunaTFW and tumblr at somanlunatfw so come by and say hi. I use Twitter a lot more but do check tumblr every few days. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and let me know what ya think!


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